Written by Shaun Ferguson
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Topics: Ruth Kelly, HIPS

Friday, 15 June 2007

With just days to go before the start of the Government's phased implementation of Home Information Packs their future has again been thrown into doubt.

The crisis has arisen because there is still only one qualified energy assessor to cover the entire Greater London area.

Abdul Soddem, a former mini-cab driver from Streatham in south west London, qualified in energy assessment by passing the strict written test of writing out a cheque for £500 to an internet-based training firm. Soddem is well know to television audiences for his frequent appearances on the Granada series "House of Horrors" where he fails to notice minor faults in electrical and plumbing appliances and charges the homeowner a bundle for unnecessary repairs.

Soddem told TheSpoof.com "That was all when I was doin' refurbishments, but they wouldn't register me for the Corgi so I took up mini-cabbing until the Government come up with this new way for me to fleece the public."

Asked how he could possibly cover the whole of Greater London on his own he was equally dismissive, "New homes is gonna get the green light and old one's the red. It's that easy mate, innit? 5 minutes in and out job and name me own price. I really don't even have to go inside, 'cept when there's a cuppa on offer."

Asked how HIPs could possibly still go ahead, Local Government Monster Ruth Kelly said "Talk to my hand because my face ain't listening."

(Yes, it's ugly too Ruth.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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