Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 12 June 2007

image for Senior High Court Judge In Hideous Train Flashing Attack
"Order! Order!"

A woman travelling on a London-bound train was subjected to a harrowing and hideous flashing attack by one of Britain's most senior judges, a court has heard.

The victim, who cannot be named due to being worried about being murdered, was on her way to work last month when she noticed Lord Justice Richard Stephens standing a few feet away, smiling at her and holding his gavel. He was foaming at the mouth and remained in this pose for more than 15 minutes.

Miss X said she "trembled" in her seat, until the train approached Waterloo Station, when other passengers rose from their seats to get off. Judge Stephens intervened, however, by loudly booming: "Silence!" and "Order!", and tapped his gavel against the back of Miss X's seat.

Judge Stephens, 56, who is a judge in the Court of Appeal, earns £194,000 a year, and spends much of his spare time using his Railcard to travel the length and breadth of Britain on the excellent train system, "meeting people".

He appeared at the City of Westminster magistrates yesterday in full judges battledress, complete with his ridiculous white wig. His wife Lucy sat behind him in the court, and combed the wig tirelessly throughout the 45 minute hearing.

She spoke on his behalf and said:

"He's always fiddling about on the Tube."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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