Written by Choppers
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Tuesday, 22 May 2007

image for Bishop of Southwark absolved
Seems an unusual picture for this story. Oh I see! The last sentence.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams has absolved one of his top bishops after he went on a booze-fuelled walkabout last December.

After assuming he was just doing something with Jenny Agutter the Archbishop was corrected and told: "He went on a booze-fuelled meander". This made a little more sense to the now very drunk Rowan Williams who then assumed it was something to do with a river. Three days later and after continuous attempts to get him to understand he was finally convinced that "Yes, apparently Bishop Tom Butler was drunk on alcohol and walked about." said Williams.

Rowan though is a decent sort of chap and initially offered to bugger a member of his clergy in order to attract attention away from Butler. Butler was grateful for the offer but preferred to ask forgiveness publicly. Rowan laughed at the word 'publicly' because it almost contained the word 'pubic'.

Butler boasted that he was drunk "on pear cider mainly, and a couple of Pina Coladas, just like in the movies." He also claimed that he got a black eye, a bump on the head and lost his briefcase, crucifix and mobile phone after drinking at a pre-Christmas party in London. Subsequent reports suggested he was overstating the issue and he had in fact simply lost his bearing and could not locate magnetic north. A scientist commented: "this is normally the first thing we lose when we get drunk, except my assistant who normally loses her panties first."

This all comes at a time when most of the world think Christianity is a little bit silly. The timing of this story seems to just make it a little bit cooler. Like when the first monkey went into space, initially it seemed silly but soon enough there were queues of monkeys in Russia, just desperate to see space.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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