Riding on the fame, notoriety and increase of groupie offers that he has gained from his triumphant outcome in the Hutton Inquiry, 'Prime' Minister Tony Blair has ordered that there be more Hutton Inquiries "to keep the NHS off the front pages".
Blair, 26, acheived remarkable success from the Hutton Inquiry into the entirely unsuspicious death of Dr Kelly. His whirlwind ride into public esteem has already earned him a four-book-deal, a film of the events to be directed by Peter Jackson, and a regular column in new men's weekly Nuts.
Now Blair, or 'Tone' as he encourages his 55million friends to call him, has ordered new best mate Lord Hutton to investigate some more little injustices that civil servants can't be arsed to sort out.
Inquiries by the Lord expected in the future include the lack of British actors in the Oscar Nominations (with Dame Judi Dench making a shocking absence), the way in which people who treat asylum seekers are treated by asylum seekers, and the differentiating cost between Mars Bars purchased from vending machines and those bought face-to-face at a regular newsagency.
Sir Blair Esq predicted that most outcomes of the reports would result in "the inevitable privatisation of the BBC".