Written by Mark Lowton
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Topics: Driving, Speeding

Monday, 26 January 2004

image for UK Government Concentrates on Speeding Fines
British Motorists - Under Threat

Following The Times' premature report that the government may be re-thinking speeding laws, The Spoof can now reveal the Government's true agenda on speeding that The Times only got a misguided whiff of.

In a leaked e-mail, intercepted by a Spoof correspondent, a dastardly scheme, dreamt up by Labour's Secretary of State for Transport, Alistair Darling, has been exposed. Endeavouring to combat their immense debt, following the recent expenditure on ties with the US, Darling believes he may have a quick and easy solution for the Government, to make the British coffers absolutely brimming with cash.

Darling's plans involve an underhanded proposal to bring Britain one step further into the tight grasp of European law. The Transport Secretary has proposed that the UK's speed road signs be changed from indicating the speed in Miles per Hour to Kilometres per Hour.

Speed Change

This change will be made overnight on an undisclosed date, without informing the British public. This change will affect all of the 4,500+ speed cameras on Britain's roads, changing their instruments to measure speeds in KPH not MPH.

With this change, travelling at 30 MPH is the equivalent of 48 KPH. A speed camera set to 30 KPH will be triggered if a driver exceeds 20 MPH.

On the first day of this scheme's operation, Darling has predicted this will bring in £2.25bn in fines, and result in the handing out of 135,000m penalty points. He also anticipates that 33,750 drivers will stand to lose their license, which he believes will help reduce the UK's greenhouse gas emissions by 2% in the first year of this scheme's operation, "the biggest decrease ever implemented by this Government".

Many motorists are said to be in uproar over this proposition. British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, who is already in hot water due to the release of Lord Hutton's report on the inquiry into the death of weapons expert Dr. David Kelly, and the furore over student top-up-fees, is facing an even steeper uphill struggle to be re-elected at the next general election.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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