Written by bunny
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Topics: London, Labour

Thursday, 15 January 2004

LBC has hit the Airwaves - literally, ladies and gentleman! Apparently John Prescott, during a breakdown in communication between New Labour and its Ministers, misunderstanding the phrase, ordered both his Jags out on to the streets of London, with instructions to find, oppress, and beat all airwaves.

Unfortunately Airwaves proved very elusive, one of the spin monkeys popped over to the Sun, reportedly asked them to tell the massed media that a full investigation has been launched into the disappearing air waves and that the PM would be found innocent of leaking their location.

As a consolation, Prescott ordered the rounding up of all known DJ's. However on hearing that a certain ginger haired DJ had publicly backed Red Ken in the last mayoral election the search was narrowed down, this reporter quotes from a down street source:

"When the big fella found out about Mr Evans he got quite agitated, anyways we found this ginger geezer dragged him down to the ODPM and well I'm not allowed to tell you anymore"

It is believed that on Mr Evans' arrival the deputy PM rose from his chair and demanded "Are you an airwave?"

Mr Evans replied "No, I married an air head, and I used to broadcast over air waves"

"Hmm, that'll do, closer than our bombing of Iraq like" replied Prescott before landing, and I quote the downing street source again "An absolute peach of a right hander, fair took that ginger tw*ts head off"

PM Blair has denied authorising any attempt to roundup, out, or tame airwaves, even though his voice could be heard whimpering its way through the usual rhetoric on the all new, but still the same old crap, LBC radio.

Rumour amongst the tabloid press, usually better informed than parliament of the PM's plans, suggests that Gordon Browns henchmen could be responsible for the disappearing Airwaves. One hack suggested "it's a bit like the WMD In Iraq, we know; either they existed and have been well hidden, or never existed and the whole thing has been a big hoax to convince us that LBC isn't just another gimmick".

Popular journalistic opinion is varied, whilst those papers whose normal business it is to print news remain unconvinced about the existence of Airwaves, the Sun and Times have categorically stated that as long as Tony's a good boy and does as Rupert says they help find the Airwaves.

One disgruntled reporter, (I actually thought I'd get to write about the news when I joined) offered the opinion "Of course Rupert would want a 20% stake, plus enough for friends and family to give him control of these airwaves, in return for which Tony would have their continued unbiased support until such time as Rupert finishes downgrading the British Media."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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