Written by Roger Rabbit
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Topics: masturbation

Friday, 23 March 2007

The extreme weather conditions that have plagued southern England have had a bizarre effect on one unlucky teenager. Billy Mitchell (17) was lying in bed on Monday around eleven o'clock, when a bolt of lightening struck him through his open bedroom window.

Billy was rushed to the nearby Hope Royal Hospital where it was found that his hand had been fused to his penis. A spokesman for the hospital was quoted as saying that fortunately, Billy who is right handed, was doing a 'stranger' at the time and using his left hand.

The surgeons at Hope have confirmed that so far they have been unable to separate the hand from the penis. They fear that they will have to amputate one of the offending parts and Billy will have to choose. To help the poor lad we are conducting a poll. Readers can text 1234 and enter either hand or penis.

Friends and relatives have responded to Billy's plight by sending cards and presents to help him through this difficult time. One of his school colleagues remarked what a tragic event it had been but could not say more due to a paroxysm of laughter. At least he remarked, they will not be calling him dickhead anymore.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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