Written by Joey da dog
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Friday, 16 March 2007

image for Heather Mills accused of making hoax emergency calls
"Ello ello ello, waltz all this about?"

Heather Mills McCartney, reportedly nervous about her upcoming appearance in the hit series 'Dancing with the Stars' on ABC television, has been cautioned for making unwarranted emergency 999 calls to West Sussex Police asking for the assistance of uniformed dance partners so she can practice the cha cha.

Officers have been called to her home so often in the last six months that an emergency response ballroom had to be set up outside her home, manned round the clock by a team of officers specially trained by the Metropolitan Police Jiving School. The squad have been taking so many calls they loaned her a police radio, callsign Uniform Foxtrot Tango.

Ms Mills will be the first contestant on the show to compete with an artificial leg, and bookmakers are eagerly taking bets on whether it will fall off during the quickstep.

Meanwhile JCB, the British excavator manufacturer, are producing an SUV version of their top selling back hoe loader named in her honour. The limited edition Chelsea Gold Digger can be obtained on credit from Harrod's through Alimony Finance Services.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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