Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 13 March 2007

image for Terry Wogan Is Red Nose Day Saviour
Mr Schneck's nose yesterday

Worries earlier this week that Red Nose day events up and down the country would have to be cancelled, have been laid to rest after swift action by the organisers.

The BBC and Gerry Wotan, the Radio 2 bore, last night met with Rudolf Schneck, the big-nosed man who had threatened to take them to court, and have agreed to pay substantial damages, so that the fundraising extravaganza can go ahead.

Schneck had complained that, having a konk of enormous dimensions, he had felt victimised by the BBC every time it advertised the upcoming charity spectacular.

"It may be a feast of entertainment and an outpouring of kind-hearted money-raising for some", droned Schneck through his red hooter, "but for me, it's a one-day prison sentence. I can't leave the house."

The amount paid to Schneck is thought to be around £1 million, but BBC bosses are satisfied with the outcome.

Head of Scheduling, TV Guyd, said:

"We've got off lightly. A million pounds might seem like a lot of money, but Red Nose Day is one of our biggest sources of income. Gerry (Wotan) has kindly offered to have it taken out of his massive fee."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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