Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 13 March 2007

image for Obesity Is Good For The Economy - Claim
Help keep Britain Great - throw 'em a bun!

A report by the World Health Organisation (WHO?) has said that, despite the obvious health implications for those that suffer from it, obesity has a positive effect on the world's economy.

Speaking at the launch of Obesity Awareness Week from a burger bar in Manchester, Dr Harold Shipman told delegates that although obesity, and its catastrophic effects put a strain on the UK Health budget to the tune of £184 billion a year, this figure paled into insignificance when it was taken into account that the yearly consumption of delicious Mars Bars alone, generates more than £250 billion of revenue for the sweet shop industry.

The Health sector, itself, benefits from the services of more than 4,000 members of staff employed specifically to operate on, and subsequently provide aftercare for, porkers who have undergone major stapling surgery.

Companies like McDonalds and Burger King could not function without the gluttonous patronage of the weightily-challenged, and more than 50,000 people in Britain eke out a living serving fast food to fat fools.

Other organisations that rely on fatties for their existence include fitness centres, weightwatchers groups, diet food companies, liposuction clinics and chip shops, and some analysts believe that, if Britain were to abstain from fatty foods, the economy would collapse under the lack of weight.

Dr. Otund, a Government consultant on 50-stone Women, said:

"These human circus tents are the mainstay of our economy. They are what makes Britain great. Without them, the country would be a poorer, not to mention thinner, place. We should be proud of them and feed them whenever they look hungry - a bit like throwing a bun to an elephant at the zoo."

Supermodel Naomi Campbell said:

"I have the occasional Mars Bar, but I don't overdo it, and I don't sweat like a pig. Not like those fat bastards.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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