Written by Greg Creedy
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Sunday, 11 March 2007

image for More Porn For UK Troops
Porn Satellite

British soldiers are said to be waiting in eager anticipation the activation of the British military's Skynet 5 porn satellite.

The spacecraft, which cost £45.50, will deliver a huge selection of adult channels to British soldiers serving around the world.

Major J. T. Stiffupperlip told The Spoof: "By Jove, this'll teach those Gerries a thing or two, what? Those Krauts have had access to pornography for years now. It's about time our chaps had the same."

The satellite was launched by carbon neutral, olive oil powered rocket Ariane 5 at Kourou, French Guiana on Sunday.

Due to its excessive weight, the taxpayer has had to pay a baggage fee of £5 billion.

But Secretary of State for Defence Des'ree Browne said the spacecraft was worth every penny.

"Och, it's a paltry price to pay for porn. Perking up the peckers of our lads will do wonders for morale. These boys are fighting in some of the most hostile places on earth. I hope the British taxpayer won't begrudge a single one of them a quick wank for all the good work they're doing."

The Spoof asked Major Stiffupperlip if women and homosexual soldiers would also be catered for.

"There are no women in the British army. Homo-what? No, you've lost me there. Interview over. Splendid."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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