Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 9 March 2007

image for "Police Going Soft" Claims Thatcher
Teeth like these were knocked out of Mrs Abdullah's mouth by Police

Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian B-liar was summoned to Downing Street today by his younger brother, PM Fony B-liar, to answer a claim that the Police are "going soft".

The claim, by ex-Tory Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, was made earlier this week after police raided premises in the Handsworth area of Birmingham and arrested three men, but did not kick their heads in at the scene.

This followed an incident three weeks ago in London, when six illegitimate immigrants were seized upon by officers, and taken to Camden Police Station without so much as a scratch on their faces.

Mrs Thatcher, recently married to Sgt BA Baracus, Prince Harry's bodyguard, was said to be beside herself with rage.
Maintaining her air of grace and dignity though, she calmly told reporters:

"This is not what we have come to expect from a bunch of Fascists like the Police. If I were still in office etc etc etc..."

Mr B-liar and his cronies passed a Bill last year advocating the use of "massive force" when arresting suspects, in a bid to deter would-be criminals from getting up to monkey business. Crime figures have since gone through the roof, with a broad spectrum of people lining up to 'have a go' at policemen.

The PM told journalists outside No.10 this morning that his policies on crime were working. He cited a case in Bradford, where police apprehended father-of-four Jez Abdullah on suspicion of growing a Muslim beard. Although he was arrested peacefully, two officers, on realising their mistake, went back to Abdullah's house and punched his wife in the face until her teeth fell out.

"And there are plenty of other cases just like that one", said Mr B-liar.

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