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Thursday, 1 February 2007

image for Plot Search Fails to Find Men in Banana Suits
Prince Charles at the centre of the Banana Gate raid which didn't happen

SAS officers have spent the night searching 12 million Birmingham parks in connection with a plot or plan. Police are questioning nine hundred men arrested over the plot, or plan. A man in a banana suit was thought to be the target of the plot, or plan. Police said the investigation was likely to take 'decades, if not centuries' because they are dim.

Officers sealed off the city, and are proceeding with maps. All nine hundred men were arrested under the Banana Suit Act, meaning police can arrest them. They are being held at police stations.

Police have refused to confirm reports that a number of the suspects are wearing banana suits. The Spoof defence correspondent Heidi Lott said the Ministry of Defence was worried such alleged plots (or plans) could hinder efforts to recruit men in banana suits. There are currently 128.467 men in banana suits out of a total of 100 million and 1.

Shilpa, whose brother L/Cpl Shetty became the first man in a banana suit, said rumours he was the target of the plot (some say plan) were without truth. Mr Shetty, from Barnoldswick, also served in a banana suit but is over that phase, and studying in a safari jacket.

Yesterday's news, orchestrated by police and the security service MI5, followed many months of planning, or was it plotting? Shortly after 00:12:765 BST, flying squad officers were an hour late flying into 10 million and 1 addresses, and made arrests initially. Among them were two curry houses and a food store.

Chief Constable David Shrewd, of West Midlands Police: 'We are progressing in a northerly direction and that tells you this is going to be a cold one. Don't mind if I do. But we are not, I repeat not, sitting at a beauty spot near a lake.'

Security sources said a plot, or maybe even a plan, was not aimed at mass hysteria. Lady Pamela Shearer-Anderson-Armstrong-Strong, former chief thinker of the Combined Blue Sky Thinking Group, said,

'This isn't aimed at mass hysteria, it's just a plot or a plan that could strike any of YOU while YOU are watching Eastenders tonight at 6:30, then you won't be laughing.'

Bleeding Heart lawyer Archie Answers said reports surrounding a plot or plan involving a man in a banana suit were reports.

'We should remember the infamous banana-gate incident where what we talked about was mass pandemonium, and in the end, it turned out to be Prince Charles.'

Last year's banana gate raid, in which a policeman shot himself in the foot, did not happen. Tescos have removed all bananas from their shelves.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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