Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 31 January 2007

image for Jade Goody Beheading Foiled
It was like using a fridge-freezer to swat a fly

Twelve men have been arrested and charged under the Terrorism Act in Birmingham after a plot to kidnap a member of the public was uncovered this morning.

MI5, working closely with police, smashed down doors at two addresses in the Sparkhill area, and one in Alum Rock, where 68 men, women and children were packed into one bedroom.

Environmental Safety officers were called, and the residence was declared a "rat-infested hole" and several arrests were made. Later, though the residents were allowed back into their home, and slept like babies.

Sgt. Bent Copper, of West Midlands Police, said, in a shouted statement, "We've got you now, son!" as he led away a young Asian boy of about six.

As the investigation developed this morning, it became clear that matters were not as serious as was first thought. The plotters merely intended to kidnap, torture and, eventually to behead Jade Goony, the racist slug.

Mohammed Krakatoa, 8, who was one of those arrested this morning, said "We don't like that Jade, mate. We wuss juss gonna cut 'er 'ead off a bit."

His friend, and leader of the would-be kidnappers, Sadiq Gunman, 11, told reporters that he'd been arrested by police at 6.30am, but by 11 o'clock he'd received a commendation from officers for his bravery and great plan.

All of those arrested have now been released, with the Police's best wishes.

Detective Chief Superintendent Colonel Kurtz of MI9, a secret organisation that roots-out radical juveniles of Arabic persuasion, said "The little tinkers. They would have done it 'an all! Nowt surprises me, these days."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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