Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Jade Goody

Wednesday, 24 January 2007

image for Big Brother Bully Launches New Range
Oh brother...

Jane Goony's Press Agent yesterday revealed details of a new range of crap products designed to recoup the tremendous losses suffered when the racist bigot was evicted from the Big Brother house.

Nick Fry spoke to reporters outside Nottingham Forest football ground, where Jane was accepting an award at the Brian Clough School of Etiquette.

Ninety-four stores, he said, had done Goony no favours when they removed her range of pungent perfumes from their shelves. To combat this, she has used nice flowers to develop Nasty Fragrance, which could be in Pound shops as early as next February.

Another new-fangled gadget no Chavchick could do without, is the JG nail file, which will retail at just ninety-five pence.

The former BB winner, but now disgraced slob, has also put pen to paper, it seems. A book entitled No Foreigners, No Friends, No Frills is set to become the new favourite read of all neo-fascists from the New Forest to North Flintshire.

Now, Fry is optimistic about the nutter's future, but warned his client would not get rich from the sale of the new products.

"She will receive only a nominal fee", he said.

The British National Party has denied any link between itself and Jade Goody.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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