Written by Duff
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Topics: Driving

Thursday, 28 December 2006

image for New Three-part Driving Test to be Introduced in 2009
One of the Government's hi-tech simulators: rumoured to cost £5 million pounds each

The Government has today announced that in addition to the practical driving test, that from 2009, it will become mandatory to carry out a further test on a hi-tech driving simulator before new drivers will even be allowed on our roads.

A Police spokesman said:

"In broad terms we welcome this development and feel that it is a long overdue move. The standard of driving is becoming worse and we hope that this will go some of the way to improving that situation. At the very least it might limit the numbers of those bloody annoying rep's you see all over the place in Ford Mondeos, with their gelled hair and who are always driving up your arse"

But The AA told us:

"This is yet another measure being imposed on the would-be motorist. These tests will not be free and ultimately mean that it will become more costly to get a licence"

We asked people at a driving test centre yesterday what they thought of the move.

Dwayne Pipe (17) said: "Well to tell the truth, I couldn't care less because I'll have my licence by then so it's not going to affect me"

Julie Poolie (23) said: "Well to tell the truth, I couldn't care less because I'll have my licence by then so it's not going to affect me"

And Neville Breville (37) told us: "Well to tell the truth, I couldn't care less because I'll have my licence by then so it's not going to affect me"

We put our findings to Government spokesman from the Department of Transport who asked:

"Why is your reporter asking such bloody stupid and obvious questions and printing the same answer over and over again. What did he think they were going to say?"

We told him that the reporter in question has now decided to let the story lie there and has gone off to get a scoop on pop superstar George Michael.

"Bloody good job too! It was beginning to get like Groundhog Day round here" grunted the man from the ministry in a less than friendly manner.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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