Written by Breeze
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Topics: Uri Geller

Thursday, 21 December 2006

image for Uri Geller charged with attempting to murder his own cock
Geller was seen fleeing the scene in a stolen car

Scotland Yard last night confirmed that deadbeat, alcoholic, has been, Uri Geller, had been charged with attempted murder, following the botched assassination of his own cock.

Mr Geller was in custody last night as more details of the horrific shooting were revealed.

"It would appear that after a 24 hour Brasso binge, Mr Geller acquired a high powered sniper rifle and shot Mr Penis eight times as he attended a film premiere," said Chief Inspector Blobby, "Obviously I cannot reveal too many details at this stage but I can confirm that when Mr Geller was arrested he smelt of piss and looked like a tramp."

Mr Penis was said to be well enough last night to share a joke with doctors and entertain some high class hookers.

A spokesman for St Guys hospital told reporters, "Mr Penis is sitting up in bed and was well enough to receive some visitors."

Cold blooded assassin, Uri Geller, was arrested in the early hours of yesterday morning when he returned home to his box on Shite Street.

Local derelict and crack whore, Fanny Stretcher told us, "None of us liked 'im, 'e were always bending other peoples spoons. Fuckin' 'ated 'im at the soup kitchen, they did.'E were a wrong 'un, guvnor 'an no mistake'."

When reminded that we no longer lived in Victorian London, Miss Stretcher replied, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry....well, he was a vicious little fucker then."

Mr Geller is expected to face trial at the High Court in January, although police have not ruled out allowing an angry mob to string him up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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