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Monday, 11 December 2006

image for Brucie Tells O'Connor I'll 'Ave You Son
The evening started out just like any other in the Dorchester Hotel

Guests at London's Plush Dorchester Hotel looked on in disbelief as a brawl developed last night between two of Britain's best loved entertainers.

Bruce Forsyth and Des O'Connor came to blows at the £10,000 a ticket charity fund-raiser in aid of The Anger Management Trust. Lemmy, bass guitarist with heavy metal band Motorhead, who was at the bash told us:

"We were all sitting down and they'd just served the soup when Brucie started to look a bit miffed. He was there with his wife, some forty years his junior, former Miss World Winelia Merced, who started pointing to Des who was on the next table.

Suddenly Brucie stands up and shouts 'Are you looking at my bird?' and next thing it all kicks off." Laughed the Ace of Spades singing frontman.

The hell raising bassman went on to tell how twinkle-toed Bruce leapt over the table and grabbed Des by the throat as Des lunged at him and gave him a "four penny one up the bracket", Brucie countering with a quick kick in the O'Connor nuts.

The veteran performers then rolled around on the floor had to be separated by security staff and even then they made repeated lunges at each other. It ended with Winelia saying "Leave him babe, he just ain't wurf it"

Forsyth and his missus left after the main course not bothering to hang about for dessert, a very nice crème brûlée, so you may imagine how bogged off he was about the whole thing.

After he'd gone O'Connor 'held court' with some hangers-on and was heard to say in a loud voice:

"I coulda taken that old tosser any day"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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