Written by Duff
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Wednesday, 6 December 2006

image for Branson's New Trains Cause Problems For Travellers
The 14:23 to Slough was delayed, leaving these Indians pretty miffed

Top entrepreneurial Catweazle looky-likey, Richard Branston, is today at the centre of a storm that's weighing in at about a 7.8 on the Richter scale, if indeed a storm can be measured by the Richter scale. We're not entirely sure but you get what we mean don't you?

In a surprise move he was 'nabbed' by police as he alighted from one of his own trains at Paddington Station.

The Spoof understands that he's up before magistrates in the morning accused of developing and then operating trains that are susceptible to Red- Indian (now First Nation punters, according to the PC brigade) Brave attack.

An executive type has told of how he was on one of Brampson's trains en-route to a high-level business meeting, when all of a sudden he looked out the window only to see a gang of these cowboys running alongside his train on horseback a-whoopin' and a-hollerin'. He takes up the tale:

"Then one or two of them jumped and clung onto the side of the train but fortunately they were smashed to smithereens by a bridge. And I thought that the panic was over.

But a few minutes later the Guard comes waltzing through my carriage whistling a tune. Next thing he's pulled a hatchet and scalped a lady that was talking on her mobile phone and made a small handbag out of her skin. It took a fair few of us to overcome the blood thirsty savage I can tell you"

Brimpton made light of the incident when it was reported via his customer service hot-line so now he's in the soup because he's done nothing to stop similar attacks all over the country.

The Spoof says, "What's happened to the good old days of steam and Great Western Railways?"

We asked Heap Big Chief Two Dogs Shagging for a comment but all he would say was:

"Me smoke um pipe of peace"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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