Written by Gail Farrelly
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Thursday, 30 November 2006

image for Heathrow Radiates Planes Rather Than Lighting Up Runways
Some may die, but it certainly saves on electricity

Saving money, not a spy plot, is what's REALLY behind the findings of radiation traces in planes at Heathrow.

Airport officials reluctantly admit that, in the past few weeks, they've used radiation to light up planes instead of lighting up runways through traditional means. "It's cheaper and more efficient; boy, does it save on the electricity bills," an anonymous insider pointed out, adding, "I mean, why provide all that light, when just a little dab will do it. Ya gotta change with the times, go with the flow, the new flow."

Asked about health risks, he shrugged and said that all "of life is a risk, so what's the problem". When questioned, he was forced to admit that he himself never flies due to an inner ear problem (yeah, right!).

A Spoof reporter got her hands on a confidential memo detailing the results of a cost analysis of the radiation plan. The results indicated that although some passengers would die from radiation poisoning (causing lawsuits, financial payouts, and a lower passenger base for the future), radiation was STILL projected to achieve an overall cost saving.

One exhausted airline traveler, glowing like a huge flashlight, mulled over the New Testament quote from Genesis, 'And God said, Let there be light.' The traveler shook his head from side to side and said, "Look, I really don't think this is what the good Lord had in mind." He then rushed off to take a shower -- or two or three.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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