Written by Jack Allen
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Thursday, 1 May 2014

image for "Bullied at school" politicians using schoolyard insults on Farage.
Politicians never got any 'prom ass'

Due to Nigel Farage rejecting a running spot for the vacant MP role of Newark, previously bullied politicians across the country are cracking out primary school insults to disparage the leader of the UKIP party.

Politicians who have never been able to use the insults, due to the "bigger boys" at school not letting them, are using them through the safety of social media towards Nigel Farage.

"Chicken, "mouse", and "eggy fuckbucket" have all been thrown at Mr Farage in various tweets by those within rival parties. However, according to Nigel's colleagues, his adversaries should know from personal experience that words are not able to hurt him.

Earlier today Nigel Farage said in response: "These guys got murdered at school! MP Mark Garnier was once allegedly wedgied so hard he still cannot get rid of the look of pain when he smiles! They just want their turn to mock because they know it's fun. When we win the election we'll see how much fun they can have when I put them on one of those zero hour contracts they all seem to love so much!"

With 82% of Liberals and Tories still receiving counselling around the treatment they received in their school days, it can be seen as surprising that they would stoop to such childish behaviour. Although, the most outspoken and unpopular person at school is still the most likely to have their urine extracted from them in record time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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