Written by Jack Allen
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Monday, 21 April 2014

The Telescope that has the power to spot alien life on other planets is now trying to locate the The Daily Mail, as the paper surpassed Justin Beiber's recent behaviour to reside at the height of stupidity.

A string of articles recently published by the newspaper have greatly increased the nation's blood pressure, leaving hospitals bracing themselves to deal with an abundance of Daily Mail related illnesses.

However, for Hospitals to sufficiently prepare, precise information is required regarding the exact location of the newspaper. The powerful telescope was brought in yesterday to assist but is yet to locate the paper.

"It's not what we set out to find but we thought we'd found The Mail's journalistic integrity. It turned out to be a burnt out star," said Jeffrey Ross, the operator of the telescope.

With other forms of media covering the nation's frustration over the content at The Daily Mail, the paper has quickly become the nation's most read paper. In response, Jonathan Harmsworth, controlling owner of The Daily Mail, said: "We've finally done it! We've become the newspaper version of The X Factor. It doesn't matter what the content of your product is, so long as sponsors are paying more because everyone is talking about you. Brand awareness equals money, bitch!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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