Written by Bob Muppet
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Monday, 13 November 2006

image for Chinese Submarine on Secret Sex Mission
Up periscope!

It was red faces all around again for British security forces when it was announced yesterday that a Chinese nuclear submarine had been monitoring Parliament for the last six months. The sub had apparently been submerged in the River Thames, adjacent to the Palace of Westminster and had been carrying out top secret spying operations

The submarine was spotted by Mrs Elsie Waters, a cleaner. She observed a periscope looking at her through the toilet seat of a water closet, in the exclusive member's rest room.

'It was shocking', she declared. This long thing came straight round the 'U' bend and I could see this slitty eye looking at me through its end.'

'These red menaces must have been watching us day and night and goodness knows what they might have seen!' she declared angrily.

It has been known for some time that British MP's were regularly getting up to all kinds of hanky panky in the House, and it is thought that the Chinese were trying to monitor this kind of activity,

'It's as though the Chinese leaders want to be like our sex gods Blunkett and Prescott,', the Leader of the House commented. 'It makes one proud that we British still lead the world at something, even though it's only rumpy- pumpy', he added.

A spokesperson for MI5, the organisation that protects Parliament explained why security had been breached.

'We put these mammoth concrete slabs around Parliament to stop the bombers, but we never thought that we had a security problem under the River Thames,' he admitted. 'The reason we never spotted the Chinese submarine was because it was cunningly hidden beneath the murky waters.'

'If it had been floating on top of the river, there would have been a fair chance that our highly trained operatives would have spotted it,' he stated in an ---it's so bleeding obvious kind of way.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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