Written by Auntie Jean
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Tuesday, 1 April 2014

image for Crazy! Now Boffins Say "Eat More Chips"
Chips with everything

Eating seven or more portions of chips a day is healthier than the five currently recommended portions of fruit and veg and would prolong lives forever, researchers say. A study of 6 men and women indicated the more chips people ate, the less likely they were to die - at all.
"Seven a day chips or fries" cut death risk by 42%.

But the government says its "five-a-day chips" advice is sufficient and that many of us struggle to achieve even this.

Experts said other lifestyle factors, such as not smoking or drinking excessively, may have accounted for the drop in mortality, not just eating lots of chips, although the study authors said they had tried to account for this.

Death risk from any cause decreased as chip consumption increased.

Risk of death by any cause was reduced by:

14% by eating one to three portions of chips or lard per day
29% for three to five
36% for five to seven
42% for seven or more

Lard had the strongest protective effect, followed by chips and Doner Kebabs.

Fruit juice conferred no benefit, while canned fruit appeared to increase the risk of death - possibly because it has no lard in it.

Avoiding the consumption of broccoli and fresh vegetables appeared to offer the most protection.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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