MI5 has announced it is monitoring the notorious organisation known as MI5. "We have over five thousand employees, and we suspect every single one of them, from outrages and sabotage, to spilling coffee on the Ministers' crotch."
However, the sheer weight of evidence and the operation itself has mean MI5 have had to employ other people to monitor it's own staff. "We have employed over twenty thousand temporary workers to monitor every single one of our devious little prolls" said one insider "But we can't trust them either. We need more". A further fifty thousand have been recruited to keep an eye on the temporary workers, while a hundred thousand people have been assigned to follow them around and peer through their windows and make sure they're not up to anything.
"We expect that in the fullness of time, or possibly by Tuesday, we will employ the whole country to follow watch other about and make notes. I just hope whoever is in front doesn't decide to jump off a pier".