Written by Nick Hobbs
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Thursday, 27 February 2014

image for New Billion Pound Study To Ascertain Flood Causes
A smarmy git, yesterday, nowhere near any water.

The government are to spend a billion pounds in studying the causes of the recent floods which hit the UK this winter.

With the fallout still lapping at the feet of every hard working Brit, the Environment Agency still blame the Government and the Government blame the EA and the water companies, and the water companies blame the public for voting in the government who in turn didn't monitor the EA properly!

So David Cameron last night commissioned some top officials to take a billion pounds of tax payers money and get to the bottom of whose fault it really was.

"We need answers," he told a packed conference "'it's Cameron's fault' just won't suffice!"

Hydro-analytical expert for Chieveley Services on the M4, Terry Dumpsworth, told us "I think it's clear that water was the main cause of the floods, and not only that, but the amount of it."

"You can blame this person or that person, this agency or that company, but water was definitely a big factor in it," he continued.

Gordon Cretinous-Parker-Chin, newly appointed head of the study group tasked with spending the billion pounds for the government, could not be reached as he was 'heading up important technical research' from his plush beach-side villa in Barbados.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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