Each member of the Royal family including third cousins twice removed is to have a personal helicopter, announced the Chancellor in his Christmas day speech. Prince Andrew, who uses one to walk his dogs with, is to have two.
The huge amount of cash awarded to the Royals by the Conservatives after the general election means each Royal can also have a Lotus sports car. Twenty new Royal palaces are to be built on green belt sites throughout the country to "kick start" the stagnant building and construction industry.
Additionally fleets of Airbus A380 aircraft are to be available on permanent "Flight resdy standby" to glamourise the image of the Royals to people who have Royal Delusion Syndrome.