Written by CaptainSausage
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Sunday, 15 December 2013

image for Possible Scottish independence approaches
The new flag of the UK

Within a year, Scotland may be on its way out of the UK, or it may sheepishly choose to remain. Nobody knows what will happen, which has led to feverish guessing by the media and unprecedented levels of apathy among the general public. "We may as well just toss a coin," said one gambling-addicted Scot.

Scottish First Minister and potential future Prime Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond, has described the 300-year marriage of England and Scotland as "not so much of a marriage but more like an enforced partnership where after 300 years one partner realises they are gay and wants out". However, another nameless SNP spokesman said that Scotland is not gay at all but is merely using it as an excuse to escape a loveless husk of a marriage.

Sean Connery, perhaps the most famous Scot in the world, has said that he would return to an independent Scotland but "only if they can make me richer than I already am." With such loyal backing, how can Scotland possibly fail.

On the other hand, Norwegian economist Bjørni Bjørnsson has said that if Scotland had become independent in 1979 then they could currently be as rich as Norway, thanks to vast but soon-to-be-exhausted oil revenues. He added, "But ner, ner, you didn't! Stupid Jocks! I bet you make the wrong decision again."

A Scotland football player, Jock McBall, had a more positive view on a possible separation between the two kingdoms. "Aye, well, we joined England cuz of a financial crisis, and noo we're gonna be sep'rating cuz of another. Ah'm jus' glad those English bastards won't be able to hold us back any mair. Especially oor football team. The only reason we keep losing is cuz of the English."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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