West Ham may be goal shy away from home but they are fighting a real fight over their image with the Government.
'As the Government is blowing so many bubbles' complained Big Sam Allardyce, West Ham Manager 'we have been forced to take legal action. Blowing bubbles is clearly a West Ham prerogative and we are alarmed at the Government insistence on trying to steal our Bubbles!'
A Government spokesman pooh pooed the West Ham action. 'If we want to blow a housing bubble or any other bubble we shall do so. Making profits from selling houses at exorbitant prices is central to our programme of helping the needy in society. Anyway East London is never going to be a Tory stronghold so Allardyce can blow bubbles from his arse.'
Surprised at this vigorous defence of Government Policy I turned to UKIP for a quote. I found their leader in a pub smoking a fag, looking very pleased with himself. Nigella Foregone laughed at the bubbles controversy. 'They are playing into our hands again' he chirped 'everyone knows bubbles are West Ham's only claim to fame. UKIP has always stood up for Bubbles. Bloody good Bubbles. Here, have another one!'