Written by Jimbo Gunn
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Friday, 20 September 2013

image for Scotland to be as crap at athletics as it is at football by 2016 Olympics, say Yes campaign
Sports

An independent Scotland must be given the chance to fly away from Brazil in 2016 with their heads held high, which is easy to do if your head is not weighed down with a heavy gold medal round your neck, said a man on Twitter yesterday.

"Scotland must be free to show the world how crap we really are at all sports, not just football," he continued during a live interview on Sky News.

Scotland has been artificially buoyed by England's success in athletics ever since towns like Mogadishu and Ghent produced some marvellous track runners and sideburns respectively. An independent Scotland will be free to sink as low as Armenia or even Australia.

Meanwhile the Yorkshire Yes campaign gained ground after it promised to strike a bilateral agreement with Scotland to end trade tariffs on the supply of Yorkshire Puddings and deep fried Mars Bars. They also pledged to end the M62 and eject Bradford.

"It really doesn't make sense," said a Yorkshire woman.

"I know love," said a Yorkshire man, "I think I'll have me tea now..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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