Security arrangements for President Bush's state visit have caused outrage in Britain. The plans involve the killing of thousands of Londoners, but are described as "necessary steps in the war on terror" against protesters.
The controversial arrangements include a $7.9billion Star Wars' Egg Missile defence system. This comes as a reaction to attacks upon David Blaine in recent weeks, and will involve the construction of a 300 storey high gun on top of Parliament.
Complaints were also raised about over-zealous transport arrangements to Buckingham Palace. In an effort to fend off "enemy verbo-combatants" Bush and his team are to roll down the Mall in the metal Atlasphere' balls made famous by the TV show Gladiators'.
And as a further precautionary measure, US Government officials have ordered McDonalds to make one in three burgers armed with nuclear warheads. An official said that this was a "pre-emptive strike to defend freedom".
Officials declined to comment about rumours of a restraining order being placed upon Prince Charles.