Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Obesity, Fat, Fat People

Saturday, 27 July 2013

Obesity is a slow moving, wheezing monster that is slowly gobbling up our country like a Frenchman gorging themselves on so much cheese. As a country we have taken inspiration from the Americans (with their pizza for breakfast ways) and decided that we to can collectively eat our way into diabetes.

Back and to the Left news (like you) are sick of hearing about people being too large and getting trapped in their own houses. Or specialist teams being called in to rescue people, from drowning in the grease that a continent sized family bucket from KFC has produced.

So what can we do?

Were not sure but experts (who normally have the answer to things like this) have said that calling fat people names doesn't help them lose weight. A spokesman for the National Society Of Experts said:

"Although we think were helping an individual by shouting "you fat fuck" as we drive by in our cars, we are in fact doing more damage than we could imagine."

We can imagine a lot of damage. Cities aflame, countries ransacked, populations scattered. That sort of thing.

He continued:

"Shouting insults at people only drives them deeper into their own cycle of eating. They eat because their sad, their fat because they eat and their sad so they eat, it's a vicious cycle."

A cycle, we thought, would be a good thing to introduce some of these people too.

"There is no point in mocking an obese person, would one mock the clinically ugly and expect them to suddenly become lookers? Of course not. Then why would shouting "Wide load" at a human walrus encourage them to shed the weight that is inching them ever closer to death? There needs to be set programs of confidence building exercises for morbidly obese people. We should help not hurl...abuse."

Back and to the Left news favours this approach. Well that and a exercise program involving lions, butter and a gap in a fence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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