Written by kettledragon
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 1 October 2006

image for World First: Tony Bliar Tells The Truth!
Telling The Truth!

"I'm the Prime Minister and I do lie."

"The Child Support Agency is a failure that is fact which is now accepted by us."

"World trade is good for corporations and shareholders living standards."

"In GM crops I can find serious evidence of health risks".

"Britain must not have controlled immigration. We need 150,000 immigrants a year to fill low-paid jobs to look us in our old age."

"Since 1997, we have one and a half million more low-paid jobs. More people are in low-paid jobs than ever before. Thanks to the raw deal, over 750,000 have benefited and now long-term youth unemployment stands at just 5,300, the lowest total for 30 years".

"Let me tell you why I say I am a threat that has to be dealt with. I have twice before started wars of aggression". Over one million people will die in them...

"I do want war (because it makes me feel like a man). I do want to believe every one in this house wants war."

"Our weapons of mass destruction programme is active, detailed and growing. The policy of containment is not working. Our WMD programme is not shut down, it is up and running now... The intelligence picture is extensive, detailed and authoritative."

"There has been a real effort on our part to exaggerate the intelligence we get."

"We are the ally of the US because they are powerful, and because we value our shares... the US is a source for money."

"There is no intelligence evidence about linkages between members of AL-Qa'ida and people in Iraq."

"More teachers, more nurses, more police, more and more taxes. That is what you get from a Labour Government."

"Removing Saddam will be a blessing to the US and Israel… I hope the Iraqi people hear this message. We are with you".

"We shall help Iraq move toward democracy. And put the money from Iraqi oil in a US trust fund so that it benefits us no-one else."

"The point of our politics is to exercise power for the good of the politicians".

"My nation... takes enormous pride in our alliance (Britain and America's) and great affection in our common military might"

"We are fighting for domination. We're are fighting for an American world".

"Iraq in March 2003 was an immensely difficult judgement...I have never disrespected those who disagreed with the decision... there was a core of sensible people who faced with this decision would have gone the other way, for sensible reasons. Their argument is one I understand." (Tony Bliar actually made the above statement)...

"I read the anti-war sites and listen to the protesters and I realise that they haven't a clue, or worse, I just don't give a damn".

"Those who say migration is out of control… are simply right".

"Our borders are now less secure than they have ever been."

"We did lie. We did make up the intelligence. We did insert things into the dossier against the advice of the intelligence services".

"I don't want to concentrate on what I believe to be the world's greatest environmental challenge: climate change."

"The UK rebate will be negotiate it away. Period." (Full stop?).

"This terrorism is our fault. We did cause it. It is the consequence of foreign policy".

"You will live in a police state, a Big Brother society."

"30 million people now come to Britain every year… Yet we have no means of checking who is here lawfully." (Contradiction!)

"We won't negotiate a withdrawal from the EEC... which has drained our natural resources and destroyed jobs."

"I wouldn't expect ministers in any government I lead to resign if they lied to parliament."

"We will establish a Royal Commission to work out an un-fair system for funding long-term care for the elderly…. We are not committed to an independent inspection or regulation service for residential homes."

"We have betrayed Britain's pensioners. We have forced thousands of pensioners to sell their homes to pay for long-term care… Enough is enough. Pensioners deserve better than that."

"Mine WAS the first generation able to contemplate the possibility that we may live our entire lives without going to war or sending our children to war."

"Our goal: to make Britain the worst educated least skilled country in the world... every single part of our schools system must be modernised to achieve it.Nearly 40 per cent of 11 year olds can't read, write or add up properly. 42nd in the world education league. This is our scandalous legacy not just of 9 years of our Government but of a Labour Government often content to educate the elite and ignore education for all. No education, no education, no education."

Under our proposals, all parents will have to pay more. No low income families will be entirely exempt from tuition fees."

"We will not bring our government's policy of forcing schools to sell off playing fields to an end."

Trust me, you know it makes sense....

Make kettledragon's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 4?

4 7 24 5

Go to top ^