LONDON A spokesman for the royal family announced today that a clone of the newborn prince would be born to a surrogate mother within a few weeks. The delay, he said, was necessary because it was only possible to draw a DNA sample from Kate's amniotic fluid some time after she became pregnant.
The clone will be raised in a cardboard mock-up of Buckingpork Palace, recently erected on a vacant lot on London's notorious Fleet Street, the spokesman said, "so that you malodourous, oleaginous lot of imbecile paparazzi won't be wasting a tanker load of petrol in pursuit of your tedious and inane photo ops."
The spokesman would not reveal the surrogate mother's identity, but did state that she and Kate have hated one another "with vitriolic passion" since they were in their early teens. He added that the surrogate would be richly compensated for her troubles, "though all the money in the world wouldn't move me to endure all that maudlin, doting public scrutiny".
When asked for further comments, Prince William retorted: "You'll have your bloody photo opportunities! Now piss off and leave us--and the real prince--alone!"