Written by Frogmarsh Peterson
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Friday, 14 November 2003

A damning report revealed that the nation's nutters are being let out of mental institutions despite having cake in their beard or muttering to themselves.

Top hat

A report revealed that the New Bedlam Home for the mentally incapable, had released a man with a penchant for wearing top hats.

"That mentalist will be lurking round our neighbourhoods with his pervy hat fetish ways... our kids aren't safe anymore... I think it's disgusting!" - Said local resident Anne Idyat.

Mad

Around the country, other asylums, mad 'ouses and psychiatric hospitals have been slammed by the report.

The Once respected hospital Rasputin's Cottage has also been hit by allegations that mad-hatters were free to leave after treatment was complete.

Rasputin's Cottage achieved nationwide respect and support in the mid 1960's with its famous slogans such as: 'Nuts and Bolts: You provide the nut, we'll bolt them down!' and 'A mental is for life, get them out of sight!'

'Mad' Home office?

The Home Office said it was looking into cases of 'unrightful discharge' but said that the decision to turf out was largely up to the institution.

Many people and groups, including the Mentalists are Dangerous Coalition, The Union of Sanes, and Parents Against Beardy Weirdys, are expected to protest outside the obviously mad Home Secretary David Blunkett's house(s) until the police move them on.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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