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Tuesday, 9 July 2013

image for Queen begins official 'Goodbye England's Woes' farewell tour
Karaoke Ma'am? That's Japanese for 'tone deaf'

Sandringham, Norfolk - Festivities have kicked off early in her Fat Lady Blings farewell tour with some instant rough justice when a royal gardener found himself pushed into the Sandringham House lake for saying she'd 'milked it' for 60 years too long.

Flunkies were still dredging Lake Haw-Haw this morning in a bid to retrieve the ride-on lawnmower which sank with the groundsman in yesterday's hissy fit during HM's inspection of the Royal Mounted Corgi Battalion.

Today the second leg of her Farewell Tour sees Queen Elizabeth distribute sackfuls of commemorative Coronation Jubilee gold coins to the sprawling masses of dodgy relatives and royal hangers-on who have kept their mouths shut 'since 1953'.

Of course, there is a terrible price to pay for such shameless sycophancy - as up to 100 of the Cold War throwbacks are likely to discover this evening when they are 'treated' to HM's solo rendition of 'My Way' at the Sandringham Locarno in a night of stand-up mayhem and royal karaoke.

Box office ticket sales have raised over half a million squid on behalf of her Coronation Jubilee charity, the Royal Snouts In The Trough Trust, exceeding all expectations given the bleak economic outlook for her retinue of royal scroungers.

The Farewell Tour is likely to last all month.

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