Written by Katarina Frogpond2
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: cheese, Asthma

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

image for Evil Killer Cheese Chemical, Annato, Steals Pizza From Asthma Sufferers
Ban the Killer Cheese Additive, Please.

Millions of asthmatics all over the world have signed a petition to ban the food colouring Annato. The evil chemical is the best friend of the peanut and it is responsible for a sudden country wide epidemic of food allergies. The epidemic has resulted in Asthma sufferers up and down the UK turning their backs on Pizzas and cheese and pickle sandwiches because it is now virtually impossible to find orange cheese that doesn't contain annato. They could eat white cheese, of course, but everyone knows, it just isn't the same.

Annato is a strange seed like product that sits inside cheese like a poisonous spider. After it is eaten, it lurks inside the blood stream for 8 hours and then, just when you think it is safe to take your next breath, it jumps out on you in the middle of the night, stops your lungs from working and makes your skin burn. The chemical is in every variety of orange cheese in every supermarket in the country, and every day it finds its way into something else.

One annato intolerant asthmatic called Julie, said, "Once upon a time, this little monster only lived in Merks and Spankers Irish Cream Whisky drink, but now it lives everywhere. It lurks in butter, and crisps and lots of other yellowy orange products. Its spread is insipid. Its attacking with silent stealth."

She said it was getting more and more difficult to avoid Annato, and she was worried that one day she would find herself unable to eat any food at all.

But there is hope for Annato intolerance sufferers. Beta carotene is a safe yellow food colouring that is just as good as annato, and does not cause as many bad effects. So if supermarkets used that instead of Annato it would make asthmatics very happy.

So I end this article by starting a new campaign that I predict will be far bigger than my "Ban the Meerkat Carpet" Campaign. So, wherever you go this week be sure to tell people to "Ban Annato". It sounds pretty, and will help someone breath easier tonight in their beds without being jumped on by the evil killer cheese chemical.

Make Katarina Frogpond2's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 2?

3 2 17 8

Go to top ^