Written by IainB
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Friday, 10 May 2013

image for Isle of Wight News - Dog Walkers strike
Walkies? Please!

Residents of Newport are facing a bleak few days as the Newport Union of Dog Exercisers have unanimously agreed to go strike.

"Industrial action is the only recourse for our members," said Jack Russell, head of NUDE. "In real terms, the amount we have been earning has been steadily reducing, and the distance our members have been walking has been increasing. This has got to change."

The initial strike, scheduled for early next week, is set to last for five days, but could be extended if their demands are not met.

"Our members are insisting on having to walk no more than three dogs an hour, and have access to treadmills, VAT free dog poop bags and roller skates," said Russell. "The treadmills are in case it's raining, so they can walk the dogs inside."

For their part, the dog owners of Newport are less than pleased.

"This is not on," said Alan Station, owner of a prize winning old English sheepdog. "Are they expecting me to walk my own dog? And what about that poop scooping? Who's going to do that? I'm certainly not. If it's raining the thing can stay in and chew the table legs, or something."

The council do have people on standby for the expected sudden surge in dog poo.

"We've employed a crack team from the army," said David Pugh, councillor for Newport and Ryde. "They are our Super Trooper Pooper Scoopers!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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