Yet again the British electorate have opted for the traditional election routine!
Some 70% registered their views with an equivocal silence. They did not vote!
Our reporters scoured the country for the majority non-voters. Joe Soap explained his position: 'They are all crap. I don't believe a word any of them says so why should I encourage them?'
I went to a bar and saw a crowd around someone drinking a pint and reading Private Eye. He was Nigel Farrago, nicknamed hotchpotch to his friends. 'I'm not a clown any longer' he announced 'no one is laughing at me! Isn't that incredible?' I had to agree that it was.
Meanwhile, back at the majority party of the non voters I found that someone called Muro was their candidate and that he would be standing for Chelsea in the next election.
But his election was not for a Council or a Parliament but for something much more important: A Premier League Football Team!