Written by Slante Dangle
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Topics: Turkey, horse meat

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

image for French horse burgers contained 20% turkey twizzler meat, which contained 100% horse meat.
This is the one animal entirely safe from the turkey twizzler market

It's been a frantic 24 hours. First, the ironic twist of fate when French horse burgers were found to contain 20% of that great British food, the turkey twizzler.

Confusion then reigned after it was found the turkey twizzlers contained up to 100% bleached horse meat.

The hapless and clearly confused French Food minister surmised, "these burgers are essentially 100% horsemeat plus a further 20% horsemeat".

Local French retailers jumped on the bandwagon, promoting the horse burgers as '20% extra free'. The easily baffled French public have been buying up as much as they can in case the offer ends.

Bernard Matthews are now planning to launch a new variation of their turkey twizzlers, 'Donkey Twizzlers' - believed to be 100% donkey meat which has 60% horse meat which has 40% turkey twizzler meat. Bernard Matthews have since commented, "by our calculations, 100%, plus 60%, plus 40%, makes 200% meat for every donkey twizzler sold - double the usual amount - we therefore intend to market the product as 'buy one get one free'."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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