Written by dutch
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 24 February 2013

image for "Has The Octopus Struck Again?" Cable Asks Clegg in wake of Lib Dem scandal
An octopus

Vince Cable and Nick Clegg have denied all knowledge of the allegations that 'The Human Octopus' had been groping the Lib Dem women activists.

However, Clegg was 'outed' by Channel 4 when they published a stream of email correspondents between the women whom The Octopus' had unwittingly been embraced by 'the kraken's' slimy tentacles.

Cleggy boy has denied all knowledge of the allegations about the Lib Dems "King Maker". However, angry Lib Dem women activists have said that "Nick" had been informed four years ago by his 'gatekeeper'.

The 'grass roots' have demanded that Clegg resigns and have tired of the petulant 'pretty boys' sulky antics.

One dowager in the shires said, "It has all come as a bomb-shell to me; I always thought Clegg was an insipid, weak leader, and this has confirmed the matter."

A full inquiry is to be conducted by the Lib Dems but it is 'too little too late' for the majority of the party's supporters.

The Human Octopus has denied that he sexually pestered his female employees. However, Jo Swinson, has admitted that she had conducted a full investigation three years ago and took statements from the women. it is also implied that Nick Clegg was fully aware of the accusations.

The Human Octopus had tried to get his tentacles around his admin staff and preyed on them in the photocopying room when he tried to put a tentacle down one of his temps back. One of his temping staff said that it was the talk of her Recruitment Agency that the tentacle would try to envelop the pretty girls with his tentacles. In an expose for the Daily Stupid Millie from Romford, said:

"When I was sent to Lib Dem headquarters as a temp I was told what to expect and to be on my guard against The Octopus. All the pretty young girls were warned not to wear short skirts or 'sexy' secretary blouses in case 'the Kraken' awoke. The Octopus would be in the kitchen plying the office temps with coffee and embracing a pair of them at a time with his tentacles. He had smirk on his face, and said, "Come into the office Millie with your coffee I want you to take a dictation". I resisted him by saying I had a letter to type for Cable."

Lib Democrat Headquarters has declined to comment about the allegations but is said to be carrying out a full investigation.

Make dutch's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 1?

6 2 20 21

Go to top