Written by Sue Donim
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Topics: Britain, Labour

Saturday, 19 August 2006

image for Squirrels Strike Back
Shreik Nissan Fastrollah makes a statement on live TV

It has emerged that a deadly new terrorist group has been formed out of the chaos of recent times and political change in Britain. Squizbollah are a new extremist group that has arisen to be yet another thorn in the side to Britain's Labour government lead by Tony Blair.
It would appear that Squizbollah formed when Britain began to class Squirrels as vermin and a menace to modern society. But what really rattled the cage was that the Woodland Squirrel and not the Red Squirrel were to become vermin. Animal rights activists stated, "The Red Squirrel brings beauty to out woods and forests and is a en-angered species already, and it must be preserved."
To all this the now leader of Squizbollah, Shriek Nissan Fastrollah replied with this, "The comments that British officials have past and the decision to exterminate out kind is a racist course of action, and we plead that the European Union once again sticks its nose where is does not belong and use the charter of Animal Rights to solve this crisis before we take the matter into out own small paws."
After weeks of bumbling and mumbling by the EU Squizbollah decided the time for action had come and one of its senior operatives launched an attack on a small home in east Sussex on the 12th of July. The Terror-Squirrel climbed down the chimney of the house whose owners where away on holiday and preceded to eradicate the contense of the living room. It achieved its mission and died of exhaustion.
After the attack Shriek Nissan Fastrollah made a secret press tape saying that this was the way that the Nutahd was to be fought and that these suicide attacks would not stop until Squizbollah's requests were met.
A week after the devastation of 12/7 Squizbollah launched yet another attack on Britain's security when a Terror-Squirrel ran up an electrical pole and caused it to short circuit. This meant that for days hundreds of homes went with out power. Local people blamed the government for not having a contingency plan while the electric companies threatened to sue for losses.
No one else quite knows when the next attack will come. But an increasing possibility is that some members of the terror group may have stolen some Bicarbonate of Soda and Vinegar. These two volatile substances, when mixed create a large explosion that could destroy Kitchens, living and dining rooms all across Britain.
All this is taking place while the PM, Tony Blair is on holiday and he shows no sign of returning early to sort out this catastrophe. When we asked what Deputy PM John Prescott thought of the situation his response was, "Crap".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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