Due to increasing numbers of managers missing from local hospitals, senior staff will now be required to wear high visibility jackets with unique identification numbers.
The Health Secretary has declared that 'proper counting' needs to be restored in the NHS. This would require a change of procedures, including getting rid of high-tech equipment which can sometimes be faulty, and introducing more reliable versions of the abacus.
Head counting is becoming especially problematic in surgical wards. "At one time," said Dr Ed Kowntin, Head of Amputation, "we could count them all on the fingers of one hand. But not these days."
Many hospital managers are angry with the Health Secretary for imposing this strict ruling about wearing high visibility jackets. "How many senior staff are going to turn out for a count like that," grumbled one furious manager.