Written by Joe Leff
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Friday, 21 December 2012

image for Moustache die-back disease spreading through Britain
another case of moustache die-back disease

Moustaches suspected of being infected with the killer tash die-back fungus have been found in privately owned facial hair in many parts of Norfolk, Scotland and Wales.

The potential that outbreaks of the fungus have been found in home-grown moustaches will be grim news for trendy gentlemen who have been hoping they might so far be spared the kind of widespread devastation that was caused by Dutch sideburn disease during the 1970s.

It is thought that all of the infected moustaches are mature and will not be destroyed immediately as they can take several years to die off. They also provide valuable refuge for rare insects.

About 30% of Britain's facial hair is made up of moustaches, which are considered iconic symbols, along with goatees and long sideburns.

The scourge of tash die-back fungus has recently crossed the English Channel from Belgium, and now threatens to radically alter the facial landscapes of British men.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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