The life-size cutouts of a uniformed officer, which cost £25 each, will be deployed across Yorkshire Police's patch to make up for the staff currently working on the Jimmy Savile investigation.
"So far," Det. Chief Superintendent Bill 'Skid' Marks told us, "we've bought about seven thousand quid's worth. They're mainly used to deter shoplifters; upon seeing a shoplifter, shop staff simply launch the copper at the culprit. They can do some damage, I can tell you. They've helped slash crime by up to 1% in some areas."
DCS Marks revealed that 'up to 70' are being held in reserve for the next Leeds United home game, where they will mingle with the crowd. "Teach them a bit of respect, loathsome bastards," he opined.
Follow us on Twitter