Written by Talking Tic-Tacs
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Wednesday, 5 December 2012

image for Princess' Pregnancy Pissing off Paupers
The hospital, treating several reporters and politicians for disproportionate hysteria

As the joyous, wonderful, life-affirming and hugely significant news broke of the Duchess of Cambridge's pregnancy, it emerged soon after that the general public really could not give a flying fuck. Or a grounded one for that matter.

Media coverage of the story paints a picture of an exuberantly excited nation galvanised by the news that the young couple hear the patter of little privileged feet. However that same coverage has began to grind on humble paupers like an early R Kelly song.

Member of public, though in fairness quite famous now himself, Joe Bloggs commented, "There I was watching the six o'clock news and the main story was that someone is pregnant. Huw Edwards was all cock-a-hoop with a facial expression that is still creeping me out."

"Then there was an interview with a doctor about what morning sickness is? What the fuck is going on. Because British women haven't encountered such an unusual condition before right?! The papers are giddy too with each passing day's headline more cringeworthily insignificant and luvvy-duvvy than the last."

"Then there's Nicholas Witchell...." Mr Bloggs then gouged his own eyes out.

Royal Correspondent and Professional psycophant Nicholas Witchells is keeping a vigil outside the hospital with his own brand of condescending, sanctimonious journalism which suggests he thinks he is a Royal himself. Which would be half right.

Royal pillock.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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