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Tuesday, 4 December 2012

image for Windsor Zoo Successfully Breeds Royals
Royals: endangered

Windsor Zoo have today proudly announced the successful insemination of their famous pair of Royals, after months of trying. Royals, like pandas, are notoriously shy and will only reproduce when the circumstances are exactly right. William and Kate, as they are commonly known, are Britain's last breeding pair.

Royals used to be common throughout the world, but are now an endangered species. Most notably they were hunted to extinction in France. Royals have been a protected species in Britain for centuries, since the founding of the RSPR (the Royal Society for the Protection of Royals) in 1848. Indeed, they are Britain's national animal, and feature prominently on our currency and stamps. Occasionally they are photographed au naturel in the wild, but the RSPR strongly discourages such behaviour.

Royals are biologically similar to humans but actually form a separate sub-species. They can breed with humans, but often the offspring will turn out to be sterile, like a mule, or mad. Another common problem is Prince Charles Disease.

Kate discovered she was genetically a royal after a routine visit to the doctor. Her physician thought her voice patterns sounded surprisingly monarchic, and sent off a blood sample to the Royal National Royal Testing Clinic. Once her DNA results returned positive, Kate was placed on a list of potential mates for Prince William, and soon afterwards she got to meet him.

The zoo refused to give details of how the consummation occurred, but it is thought likely that a lavish expensive wedding would have been enough to get Kate in the mood to breed. For males, it is not so difficult to induce arousal, probably the zoo would have purchased a copy of Razzle for William and left it lying around his cage.

However, the RSPR have warned the public not to get too excited about Royals breeding. If it is too successful, then they may begin reproducing out of control and there may have to be a cull.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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