Written by Skoob1999
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 15 October 2012

image for In Homage to Felix Baungartner's Leap from Space, Local Man Jumps Off Upturned Bucket In Own Back Garden And Nobody Gives A Toss
No Parachute Required

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, announced today that Felix Baumgartner wasn't the only man on the planet pushing himself to the limits of human endurance, as Shuttlecock himself became involved in pushing personal boundaries to the limit.

As Felix Baumgartner launched himself off a miniscule capsule platform attached to a high altitude balloon at 120,000 feet, Shuttlecock jumped off an upturned galvanised steel bucket in his own back garden, before successfully landing, a fraction of a second later on terra firma.

Shuttlecock stated that he undertook the valiant leap of faith as a fraternal gesture in honour of Baumgartner's record breaking achievement.

"It wasn't easy," Shuttlecock said. "I can't stand heights. It's a phobia I have. I can't even stand on a chair to hang wallpaper because it gets me all nauseous. So I have to get the wife to do stuff like that. I can't do with ladders, and even the stairs make me dizzy. It took a lot of nerve on my part, leaping off an upturned galvanised metal bucket, I'll say."

After fortifying himself with several pints of chilled Belgian Jesus juice, Shuttlecock stumbled up the garden path towards the upturned bucket - at exactly the same time as Felix Baumgartner launched himself into space from an altitude of 120,000 feet.

"I stood on the bucket with no problems," he related. "It was then that I realised that when you're stood all the way up on an upturned galvanised bucket, how small we are in relation to the universe. Then I took the plunge. I stepped into space. I knew that the eyes of at least one neighbour were upon me. From a bedroom window, probably."

A fraction of a second later, Shuttlecock successfully landed on terra firma, strolled nonchalantly back indoors and went to the toilet, before celebrating his groundbreaking feat with more cold beer.

"A small step for a man," Shuttlecock's long-suffering wife Anne remarked. "A giant leap for womankind. The daft bastard has no excuses now to avoid the paper hanging and putting shelves up and stuff."

More as we get it.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 4?

9 22 5 7

Go to top