Written by Crunk
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Topics: Abu Hamza

Sunday, 7 October 2012

Islamist preacher Abu Hamza was in a New York courtroom on Saturday night facing terrorist charges, minus his scary bits. He stood in the dock without the hook that he has used since he lost his hand doing something inexplicable with a bomb in the 1990s, after US officials ordered its removal for security reasons.

During the hearing, in which he did not enter a plea, his lawyers asked for the return of his prosthetics, saying they were essential for him to "function in a civilised manner".

The prosecution retorted that it was not clear that this had worked previously.

It was suggested that, without the hook, Hamza might need assistance 'doing stuff'. It was further claimed that without the strap-on double-barrelled shotgun, his sermons would lose their customary 'punch', and that Hamza's prosthetic egg-whisk was vital for preparing his breakfast just how he liked it. Other undisclosed gadgets were 'for recreational use only'.

Meanwhile, the Daily Mail has taken out an injunction against David Cameron, for stealing all their best lines, when he crowed "Like the rest of the public I'm sick to the back teeth of people who come here, threaten our country, who stay at vast expense to the taxpayer and we can't get rid of them."

Hamza has vowed to return. like the Terminator, and shove his hook up Cameron's arse. Nick Clegg, meanwhile, is refusing to divulge the whereabouts of Hamza's prosthetic rubber chicken.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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