Written by John_L
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Friday, 21 September 2012

image for Chief Whip in Cycle rage with police
A bike like the one Mr Mitchell used.

The Governments Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell today faced calls for his resignation after a four letter strewn rant with police at Downing Street. The argument started when an officer told Mr Mitchell to use the rear entrance. This angered Mr Mitchell as the back passage at Downing Street os only seen to be fit for Lib Dems like Nick Clegg.

After further remonstration Mr Mitchell hurled abuse at the police threatening them with violence and accusing them of violating his human rights. Before trying to force past the officers using his bike as a weapon.

Prime Minister David Cameron said that he couldn't condone the actions of his Chief Whip but did say. "As a cyclist myself it can be frustrating when we can't do what we jolly well think we should be able to. Plus the police asking Andrew to use the rear entrance was wrong. We have a hierarchy here and the rear is only for our servants, I mean our Lib Dem Coalition partners. If you make a Tory go out their entrance they will think they are as good as us."

Although he offered an apology the Met Police Federation John Tully has led calls for Mr Mitchell to resign. "Police on a daily basis are abused by cyclists and it would help law and order generally if Mr Mitchell were to be made to experience the consequences of his actions."

This was a view echoed by James Mad Dog McPhee leader of the Cycling Coalition for London. "I finally get it, I finally get why comedians and ordinary people hate us cyclists. I've called the pigs plebs before now and had shouting matches when told I had to go round the back. I now see that I was behaving like a spoilt brat public school tory. I thought I was better than them but I am just like them. Just because I ride a fixie and wear lycra that isn't an excuse is it. He has a silly little basket on his bike. I think my whole world is crashing down."

Following this statement Mr McPhee checked himself into a psychiatric hospital.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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